Reckoning by V (formerly Eve Ensler)

Author:V (formerly Eve Ensler)
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781635579055
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2023-06-15T00:00:00+00:00

VI

FALLING

My beloved friend Elizabeth Streb, a renowned action dancer, says: “Falling? Nothing else is that interesting—mostly because you cannot control it. Ever. Falling is the second after you can no longer make any decisions. The future is finally ‘now.’ Falling is all that movement is. Control or any idea of acquiring skill, has nothing to do with movement. Nothing.”

I don’t remember a time I wasn’t falling. I remember falling before I remember standing. I was named Eve, after the first fallen woman. I was the carrier of the fall.

I fell from great heights at ten years old. Once adored by my father, I was literally thrown out of his garden. I fell from grace, fell out of the family. I fell into violence.

I spent my early years pushing the edge of gravity. It was not fearlessness so much as practice. Learning how to fall without breaking. I became a high diver, falling and somersaulting through air. I jumped off high cliffs. The freedom of falling, the mad aliveness of falling. The glorious danger.

Perhaps my writing all these years has simply been a record of falling: fallen places and people and walls, the fallout of wars and pandemics, falling in and out of love, falling empires, the unhoused, the imprisoned, the raped, the exiled who fall through the cracks, falling to pieces, falling short of my own insanely high expectations, the fear of falling on deaf ears.

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